Last week was the anniversary of my Father's passing. For those of you who know about grief... it's a weird and unpredictable thing isn't it?
Because sheesh, after 16 years, I unlocked a new layer of sadness last week.
And it felt good - even tho I was bawling my eyes out.
Are you thinkin' I'm totally losing it?! How can grief and crying feel good?
Just so we're clear, I'm not losing it... or maybe I am. But you know, there's a huge stigma around 'losin' it' isn't there? How many times have you heard "stop crying"? Or thought "she must be a little... off" when seeing someone break down in public?
The truth is, we actually NEED to lose it once in a while.
Big feelings are absolutely normal ok?! And no, you don't need to "stop crying" as many of our parents previously thought. Sadness is a way to get in touch with what's really alive in you...
Last week's tears had me in touch with a part of myself that I had hidden away. After the cry, I felt ALIVE again. I felt as though my connection to memories of my long passed Father had deepened and that I could move forward in a new way.
Cue deep exhale...
Feeling your emotions is a revolutionary act when our society prides itself on "getting things done." Up against this patriarchal view, giving yourself time to feel is considered a 'waste of time' and totally unproductive. But that "don't cry" saying is old school and has no place in my home or in my body because I know that crying is a profound act that transforms and brings a whole lot of clarity.
Your feelings are what reveal your deepest truth.
But you know what else crying does? It opens your ability to feel more joy.
Feelings exist on a spectrum of sorts. It works sorta like this:
If we open to this much sadness, ➡️| |⬅️ that's how much joy we can experience too.
If we open to this much sadness, ➡️| |⬅️ then that much joy will follow.
It's astounding really... big cries can open big joy.
Seems a bit of a no brainer right? Like... let's dive in right now shall we?!
But it's not always that simple. You need to create a space where you feel safe to release... a space to be your whole self in... a place where all parts of you are welcomed. In this place no one will tell you to stop crying but also, no one will judge you for it either.
Do you have a place like that? Or maybe you've got a slice of time where you're home alone for that?
I invite you to make a date with yourself for a good, solid cry. It's one of my personal practices and it pays off every time. Sometimes I need a sad movie to get things rolling but other times, a song will do.
Every single time, I feel ALIVE and clear afterwards.
My feelings tell me my next best step forward. Feelings can't lie but sometimes we need help deciphering the message.
Do you need someone in your corner reminding you that it's ok to cry?
That it's ok to feel and crumble and lose it every now and again?
Do you need someone reminding you that it's ok to be human?
If these words ring a silent (or loud) bell within, let's talk. I'm here for it.