We hear so much about the need for “self-love” that it's become a catch phrase - a throw-all for every single issue or problem we encounter in life. The truth is, IT IS a salve for every issue but it’s not as simple as taking a long bath or eating well. Those actions are more like a delicious side to our plate of self love - they happen more effortlessly after we're full of it and feelin' it.
So how do we get to that full plate in the first place?
I believe there's two potent ways to gather up self love but before we go there, I want to ensure you know that self-love isn't instant. Don't believe any techniques that claim to make it happen right away or effortlessly. That's not how our psyche works and the heart may need time to open fully. So if you've tried a promised technique previously and it hasn't worked, you didn't fail ok? It's that that technique wasn't advertised properly or fairly.
So... want a full plate of self love? Here's where to begin:
1. Allow all parts of yourself to be seen and heard.
This means that all the "ugly" and the "sad" and the "angry" feelings deserve a place in your life. You’ll need to abandon any beliefs you might've acquired about the feelings you have being "too much." When we deny feelings, we are denying a part of ourself… and that's a surefire why to feel ashamed of that part (cue the need for self love!)
When we're working towards self love, we want to demonstrate love to all parts, even the parts of you that you wish weren’t there. I like to recommend talking to those parts as if they're a small child so you learn to welcome every single aspect of yourself. It might sound a little somethin' like this:
"Hey... I see you. You're ok. We're ok. I know you're feeling _______ and that's ok. You know what? Let's spend some time with that feeling together. Tell me more about that feeling...." and then listen in. Listen in, in the same way you would for someone you truly care about ok? Because you too, are worthy of true love and this practice is the beginning of giving it to yourself, from yourself. Once you're done listening, take a moment to actually hug that side of yourself in closer and say "I love you." It's ok if it feels silly... try to mean it anyways.
2. Affirmations for self love.
Our minds are P-O-W-E-R-F-U-L so rewiring where needed can take work but also, has a huge transformational affect. Our neuropathways are formed from repetitive thought and if that repetitive thought is charged with self love, we are guaranteed to start feeling it too. The big secret? You've got to try to feel it when you repeat the affirmations for self love.
The most powerful affirmations for self love tend to be based on your biggest wounds. (what the heck?!) What I mean by that is this: whatever story you have running the show is based on past, yucko experiences and that created a wound within you that has you feel/say things like "I'm not worthy" or "I'm broken" or "I'm unlovable". An affirmation for self love should speak directly to this part to soothe the yucko feeling. Here are some examples:
"I am worthy"
"I am whole"
"I am loved"
"I am trustworthy"
"I respect myself"
"I am capable"
Go ahead and try writing some of these affirmations for self love out and then repeat them to yourself out-loud. As you repeat, really try to believe it. With time, and repetition, things will shift. It takes work but this work is so worth it. And you know what? As you form your affirmations if you need help or have questions, reach out to me: donna@unleashyourlegacy.com. I'm happy to support you.
May your journey be filled with self love!